Train Like A Professional
When it comes to your emotions, especially fear, dread and anxiety, the long standing assumption was feelings come first and then your body follows suit. But as every major league baseball player knows, and trains, the body reacts to stimuli before the mind can begin to process whether to swing the bat at a fast moving curve-ball.
Elite athletes know the body is faster than the brain!
In his now famous work, Looking for Spinoza, neuroscientist Antonio Damasio demonstrates how the body leads the brain for “deciding” how to interpret events around you. Feelings like fear, dread and anxiety are generated as emotions by your “mind map” assessment of what’s happening in your body.
Your brain takes a collective picture of what’s happening within your body’s core for generating the corresponding emotional state to match your body’s posture and level of tension. Whether it’s to swing at a pitch in a ball game or to yell at your partner over a simple question, your body sets the stage for your mental and emotional reaction to events around you.
Those wanting to become an athlete on a professional level train their body for re-acting to stimuli before the brain can begin to calculate the best course of action. Ball players of every sport often joke “if you’re thinking…it’s too late.”
When it comes to handling life and relationship stressors, that pop up in an instant, here’s the obvious question. Can a person or couple train for split-second situations before they occur? The short answer is a definite yes. You should train hard-and with a teammate, if possible.
It’s one thing for the local Joe to flub a sporting opportunity for becoming the game’s hero. It’s another for everyday folks to strike out at work, with your significant other or in life when you only get one chance to do it right.
Luckily, the evidence is clear that individuals and couples can train for high stress situations that can be anticipated. Daily stressful subjects including kids, work, and romance can be practiced for teaching your brain, first with your body, how you want to emote to events around you.
Make the decision to sit with your significant partner for “re-wiring” your body/mind sequence. Choose the mental and emotional goal of what you want to achieve from your daily practice. Then go for it with a committed practice schedule.
Think of it as putting your body and mind in a practice batting cage preparing for the fast ball during the next big game. Practice remaining alert and engaged for telling your mind you can handle the pressure without the fear, dread or anxiety produced in the past.
1. Sit close to your training partner. Grab hands as needed.
2. Choose which partner goes first. Express emotional concerns, desires and experiences.
3. Take in your partner’s feelings. Share your reactions and shifting of perspective.
Use a timer for this exercise in order to provide each partner with equal time to be heard. Repeat the sharing process as needed until each partner is “felt” by the other for generating connection.
Remember the goal is emotional attunement not intellectual agreement. By practicing the safe experience of each partner being vulnerable, and being “felt” by the other, partners train each other’s body and mind to connect instead of going into the fight/flight response. Staying differentiated in philosophy is perfectly acceptable.
The skills you develop will build confidence between you and your teammate. Start with physically teaching your body to stay connected to your partner. Welcome opportunities to practice attuning the “mind map” in each of you. This is where the ultimate feeling of safe connection is achieved for providing peace, happiness and positive energy for the future.
Use the insights of neuroscience to train for your emotional success by following your body’s lead in directions you identify as priority today.
