The Creation Of Self-Worth

I recently heard a story about a father attempting to provide his son with one last bit of wisdom before he pasted away. The parent wanted the young man to understand the importance of being in the right environment to feel appreciated. This is that story.

Before he died, a father said to his son; “Here is a watch that your grandfather gave me. It is almost 200 years old. Before I give it to you, go to the jewelry store downtown. Tell them that I want to sell it, and see how much they will offer you.”

The son went to the jewelry store, and then came home to his father. The son said; “They offered $150 because they looked at it and said it was very old.” The father said; “Now go to the local pawn shop.”

The son went to the pawn shop with the family watch. Coming back to his father, he reported; ”They offered $10 because it looks warn and out of style.” At this point the dad asked his son to go to the museum and show them the same time piece.

After going to the museum and coming home, the son said to his dad; “Holy Smokes - The curator offered $500,000 for the rare piece and insisted he wanted to have it!” The son went on to say; “That guy is going to become my best friend!”

Having heard the excitement in his son, the father warmly smiled and gave his son the family heirloom. The lesson of not settling for bad situations that don’t appreciate your value had clearly been learned.

In the counseling office, I often hear the determination of people wanting to leave bad situations or relationships. These folks also believe a better deal, surely, exists around the corner for providing the self worth they deeply desire. 

If you find yourself in a place of feeling under-valued or unappreciated...looking for other options is one solution. Especially if bad things are already happening in that circumstance.  

Whether you decide to leave a place of employment or marriage that seems disheartening, you may want to first give others and your self the opportunity of repair and growth. Stating your needs and expectations at work, in your local community and with your significant partner is the first step in creating your own self worth.

Years from now, knowing you gave your self and others every opportunity to change is what will comfort or haunt your soul for perhaps a very long time.

Some employers can’t provide the raise or vacation time you desperately crave. These companies may have their own pressures they are struggling with beyond your knowledge. But the boss’s willingness to let you slide out of work early and on weekends to catch your kid’s soccer games, at least, says they are trying.  

Same with a partner who has ”less than attractive habits” to live with but can reach out to you in other ways. Learning how to request and negotiate possibilities on building mutual respect and appreciation is a skill that can be taught and practiced.

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem is a psychology book written by Dr. Nathaniel Branden. Known as the "father" of the Self-Esteem movement, Brandon identifies what he believes are the key elements that raise or lower internal perceptions of self-esteem.  

Brandon’s foundation for creating feelings of self worth are highlighted in his concepts of; Trustworthiness, Respect, Responsibility, Fairness, Caring and Citizenship. He explains these character traits in these ways. 

1. Living consciously: Being aware of the power of your thoughts and how your behavior affects yourself and others.

2. Self-acceptance: Knowing that you are bound to experience lapses and setbacks along with your successes and leaps forward.

3. Self-responsibility: Accepting accountability for all that you do.

4. Self-assertiveness: Knowing your needs and being able to express them clearly, directly, and calmly to others.

5. Living purposefully: Feeling that what you do is meaningful for you.

6. Personal integrity: Knowing your values and always aiming to live up to them.

Build the self worth you feel is important with the same integrity of hearing others search for the same. Strive for mutual paths that best give each of you access to rewarding experiences in the world and with each other.  

Commit to the discipline of allowing each partner to speak freely for adjusting goals as life unfolds before each of you. Take a leading role in creating the institutions around you that can display your unique qualities for treating you as a rare and precise gift to be honored and valued accordingly.